The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul

So a lot has happened in the past few weeks, but at the same time not much is going on.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

So, to get it out of the way, I'm jobless. Have been for a while really, I just didn't want to talk about it because it seemed typical of my life. Things go well, things continue to go well, it all falls apart. Start over. It's a cycle I can't seem to break, but it's nothing that I try to dwell on. You can't sit there day in and day out and wonder what happened and why does life suck and blah blah, whine and bitch. You gotta get up, dust yourself off and do what you can.

For me that means navigating the bureaucratic red tape that is Unemployment. I really hate to admit that I filed for Unemployment, but the parents talked me into it and I do feel better knowing that there's a little something coming in. Not a lot, but there it is. So how did I loose my job? Simple. At the end of the fiscal year, Willstaff was at the same spot they were when it began, meaning that in the 12 months between the company made NO money. They didn't loose any, but they didn't make any. Corporations don't like it when that happens. So they had to trim back. I'm not the only one that got laid off but it doesn't make it any easier. I saw it coming though, ever since my Supervisor went off and left me holding the bag. Since then they haven't really known what to do with me. All the projects they gave me I excelled in, I gave them fantastic data, but the original purpose that I was hired, to assist my supervisor in her job, was gone, and though they tried what they could to keep me, it just wasn't feasible. So no hard feelings. No regrets.

So anyone know of any job openings?

In recent news, I won a Christopher. I have to admit when I got the message that I had won at my friends Meredeth and David's wedding rehearsal dinner I wasn't too enthused. You see, I've been doing theater at the Strauss since 1997. I take that back, '95. But real heavy, as in every year, since '97 until Chicago in '03. Just about every year I've been nominated, and I've only won twice. That's 2 out of 8. And the two that I've won were with a larger group of actors, first was with 6 other actors for the Brothers in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers which I attribute the win to the large presence of Medfords, and the second won just the other night as one of the Tap Dancing Gangsters, which I attribute the win to Caleb and Paul - the real talent.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad I won. And the more I thought about it at the dinner table the more accepting to the idea I was. Although I still think the idea of a "Best Character Actor" category is a lode of crap. That's just me.

But the reason I didn't get quite enthused about the whole thing is that over the years I have been nominated for fantastic roles: Peter in Jesus Christ, Superstar; Pat Gilbert in State Fair; John Truett in Meet Me In St.Louis; Chief Sitting Bull in Annie Get Your Gun; C.K. Dexter Haven in High Society; and lets not forget the Beast. All great roles that I put my life and heart and soul into and got no recognition. But I win as a Daniel Pontipee and Babyface?

It makes one question the merits of ones acting ability.

But I've come to the mindset of "whatever". I'm not doing it for the recognition obviously. Mostly because no one in Monroe has ever stopped me and said "Hey! You're that guy!" Well once, in GameStop, but that was just after High Society and Ruth had stepped in and said hi and the admirer put two and two together.

I do it for me. I do it to satisfy a craving I have every now and then to be creative. Sure I'm picky with what shows I do, and yeah I have no intention of doing another show for a long time, but I do it not for the glory, but for the people. Admittedly I was upset I didn't get Joe in Sugar. And I admit it took me a while to get over it. But it was the big slice of Humble Pie that I needed. Looking back I couldn't have done the job that Mikey did. My take would have been completely different and more likely not as good. So I started enjoying where I was, the role I was given and I had a lot of fun with it and if I were to go back and do it again, I wouldn't change a thing. The show worked as good as it did because of the people in the roles.

And I was happy that I didn't have to squeeze into a dress.

So I as gaze into the bronzed visage of Chris Ringham mid laugh, I content myself on a job well done. And I'm happy in the fact that I don't have 6 more of these (the awards we got as Best Supporting Actor in a Musical in Seven Brides was a plaque), I'm not sure what I would do with them.

And I've also found peace in the fact that it's not the Award that gives recognition, it's not really the public at all, it's your fellow actors. It's your fellow actors who whisper your name at an audition as they get excited about doing a show with you. It's your fellow actors who come up to you then or during rehearsals that tell you they've been a big fan of yours and then they become some of your closest friends. That's all the recognition I need, and that's what makes me love the theater - the people.

I miss my people.