Spotanaity = spending lots of money

So this past Saturday Kim and I went to Shreveport with our friends Wes, Abigail and Brad, to go to a gaming store to watch a Warhammer 40k tournament. Now I'm sure all of you reading this (Mark, since I think you're the only one aside from Kim) have no clue what Warhammer is, but that's ok. What the game boils down to is a strategic war game using miniatures.

Now I'm hooked. I was interested in the game before, and I've read the Warhammer books and played the videogames, but I've never really seen the actual game that started it all in action. Now I need more...but the darn things ain't cheep. These folks are as proud of their little minis as Lego is of their sets. But the miniatures are pretty damn detailed. But $35 for most sets is a bit steep in my book for plastic miniatures that you have to put together and paint yourself.

But I gotta get em.

So after coming back from Dallas...

I'll let that sink in for a moment.

Remember how I said we took a trip to Shreveport? Well we ended up going to Dallas that night to visit a Games Workshop store in Grapevine (Games Workshop is the company that makes the Warhammer game). No clothes to change into, no toothbrush, no fan...just us and a tank of gas.

I haven't been spontaneous in a while.

There I took the plunge and bought the starter set for the Warhammer Fantasy game. So now I have around 100 little miniatures of dwarves and goblins ready to paint and play. I am a little worried about my artistic skills though. I hope some of my dad's painting talent passed on to me.

So after coming back from Dallas, Ebay has become my new friend. I've never Ebayed (Ebaied?) before, so I don't know what I'm doing. Apparently, and luckily for me, Kim used to be a master Ebayer (Ebaier?), so she's been giving me tips. I think I'm catching on.

So finally I think I have something to Photoblog about. Progress from raw plastic mini on a spur, to full painted machine of war! Once we get a new camera that is since ours broke and died. I might can try some phone pics though. hmmm

I miss the '80's

*Before you read this, browse over to AOL Radio and turn on the 80's Channel for a full effect*

It's funny what triggers nostalgia. Tonight I was playing a demo for a Strategy game called World In Conflict. In it you take command of US forces defending US soil against a Soviet invasion and World War III. At the end of the demo the credits for the game plays and the first song, before going into original score territory, is Tears for Fears' "Everybody Wants to Rule the World".

See? Get it? The Soviets are attacking the USA...you know...to rule the world.

Anyway, it made me miss my childhood. It made me miss what, looking back in full nostalgia, was the greatest decade I've ever lived. And I've gone through three so far.

I guess it's the simplicity that I miss. It seems to me that things were simpler, a little better. Hopeful. I know a lot of people will say that as they think back on life. And even I can agree that the 40's and 50's seemed simple and happy. The 60's and 70's though...well I can't comment too much but there was a lot of strife and turmoil.

One could say that the 80's was the big party that the world (or Nation really) needed after the stress of the last two decades.

Reaganomics was in full steam.
Yuppies abounded.
The music was awesome. I don't think too many people can deny that.
The TV was simple, wholesome, and funny. Family Ties, Alice, Growing Pains, My Two Dads, Perfect Strangers, Webster...the list just goes on.
The movies were top notch. I mean really - this is the decade that brought us Airplane, Goonies, Ghostbusters, Star Trek II, III, and IV, Terminator and countless other classic, CLASSIC, movies that were just so entertaining, and yes...that includes Police Academy.

I was walking through Toys-R-Us the other day and I just wanted to weep for kids today. Mostly Boys. Not only were the shelves nearly empty, but what was there was just not barely worth it.
Hasbro brought back GI Joe: A Real American Hero for it's 25th anniversary, and I can't buy enough figures. But who are they meant for? I would say people my age. Same goes for Star Wars, and to some extent Transformers. Transformers are really the exception here. The Transformers on the shelves now are not the Transformers I grew up with.

Instead, the closest thing I see to our, and I dare say the worlds, Golden Years of Toys is this Ben 10 stuff. A toy line that is heavily supported by a cartoon. Or the other way around, it doesn't matter.

I was in the mall not too long ago and I took a walk though the Tilt Arcade to see what's what. It didn't take long.

I guess video games really did change more than we think. The PlayStation, Nintendo and Xbox are the kids toys today. And it saddens me.

I almost wish I were a little older than I was through the decade. But I guess the best way for me to have experienced that great decade was as a child. Where the real world couldn't mar my memories of a better time, a simpler time.

I guess really anyone could say the same about their childhood. Those formative years between 5 or 6 to pre-teen. How things were better. How things were simpler.

But really...who could argue the music, movies, TV, cartoons and toys were better then than they are now?

I'm A Rambling Man

It's hard to come up with something new to post on blogs now a days. At least it is for me. I don't know if it's just a sign that my life is not that full of big events or it is and I just don't see those events for what they are.

I think it's just the fact that nothing really exciting happens in my life and my creative juices just flow in an entirely (read really really geeky) different direction and I'm extremely embarrassed about it.

Also I'm just lazy. I mean, look at my last post here on Blogger. Dated what? July? Talking about me and Kim moving off to Montgomery? Which didn't happen until the end of August. Then two months of adventures in Montgomery. Followed by Kim and I moving back to Monroe. Followed by the "fun" that was the house on Harrison.

So I guess it's more of the fact that I am just lazy.

It's something I really want to break. There have been days when I would be bursting with something I thought would go great on a blog, only put it off for later. I really hate being lazy. I do. I hate procrastinating about things. But I don't quite know how to break myself from it. I can tell myself that if I did something as soon as it came up it would be done and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. But apparently I like having things loom over me, causing me worry, only to shy away or try to ignore it, hoping it would go away, knowing that it wont until I do something about it or, more likely, time marches on and what started as a little thing has snowballed into something that is so huge I really don't want to deal with it.

It even goes so far as posting a comment on someones Facebook. I've friended a lot of people lately, folks I haven't seen in a while that have sent me comments or messages and I just don't get back to them, saying I will later. And I don't. And it makes me feel bad, that I don't. Like I'm being a heel. But I just click on the next link in my favorites list and move on, saying to myself "I'll just check these sites and come back to it."

So here's where I throw down the gauntlet. Perhaps by me putting it out there on the blogosphere will give me the strength to make changes.

I will not procrastinate and be lazy.
I will loose weight for my health and self-esteem. (Out of left field I know, but if it works for the lazy part then why not give it a shot with loosing weight? Besides, don't they go hand in hand?)

Ok so I have no clue how to end this, but I didn't want to end it on the above sentences either. Feels like I should follow up somehow and I just cant think of a darn thing. So I guess I'll just sign off for now.

Later folks. Maybe it won't be another seven months before I post again.

Ladies and Gentlemen. An announcement.

I had this long, drawn out, intro. But I'll just get to the heart of the matter.

The end of August, Kim and I are packing up and moving to Montgomery Alabama.

It wasn't an easy choice to make, but the fact that there is nothing here in Monroe for us, we feel it's time to move on and make our way in the world. We feel that Montgomery, a city that is growing exponentially, holds more opportunities for us. Opportunities for growth, for education, for family.

Already Kim and I have jobs in Montgomery. We have a network of friends, new and old, that have pledged themselves to help us in any way they can, so we are not doing this blindly on the hope that we can find something.

We'll miss you all, but the great thing is we're only a short 5 hour drive away. It's not like you're never going to see us again. We'll visit, you guys can visit. We'll all visit.

We'll have a going away get together at some point. We want to see everyone before we leave. And any gals out there that have been wanting to make out with me...well now's your chance. :-)

Peace and love.

Tony and Kim

Dorkness Rising

I'm a gamer. There I said it. I don't know why I feel there's a bit of stigma to it, but I get excited when I talk games. I feel a bit of elation when I get my issue of Game Informer in the mail and sadness when that issue has the "your subscription is about to run out" cover. I get totally emotional when E3 comes around.

This year is the year for gaming. At least on consoles anyway. Rock Band 2 in September, Fable 2 in October. Gears of War 2, Lego Batman, Fallout 3, MegaMan 9, Last Remnant, Final Fantasy IV and DragonQuest IV all come out this year. And I'm sure I missed a few more. But all that gets me a giddy.

Yes, I'm a dork.

And you know what else?

I play Dungeons and Dragons and other various pen and paper rpg games.

Yup. Sure do. There. My dirty little secret is out. And I'm proud to say it. I finally feel like I can embrace my inner dork.

Feels good.

So there, I posted. I really didn't mean to go for so long with out an update, but it seems that lately anything neat or cool happening to me has also happened to Kim and there for she beats me to the post button. I don't mind really. I haven't had a lot to say really.

I might have something to say soon. I'm 99.9% sure I will. So I guess I'll leave you with that little tease.

The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul

So a lot has happened in the past few weeks, but at the same time not much is going on.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

So, to get it out of the way, I'm jobless. Have been for a while really, I just didn't want to talk about it because it seemed typical of my life. Things go well, things continue to go well, it all falls apart. Start over. It's a cycle I can't seem to break, but it's nothing that I try to dwell on. You can't sit there day in and day out and wonder what happened and why does life suck and blah blah, whine and bitch. You gotta get up, dust yourself off and do what you can.

For me that means navigating the bureaucratic red tape that is Unemployment. I really hate to admit that I filed for Unemployment, but the parents talked me into it and I do feel better knowing that there's a little something coming in. Not a lot, but there it is. So how did I loose my job? Simple. At the end of the fiscal year, Willstaff was at the same spot they were when it began, meaning that in the 12 months between the company made NO money. They didn't loose any, but they didn't make any. Corporations don't like it when that happens. So they had to trim back. I'm not the only one that got laid off but it doesn't make it any easier. I saw it coming though, ever since my Supervisor went off and left me holding the bag. Since then they haven't really known what to do with me. All the projects they gave me I excelled in, I gave them fantastic data, but the original purpose that I was hired, to assist my supervisor in her job, was gone, and though they tried what they could to keep me, it just wasn't feasible. So no hard feelings. No regrets.

So anyone know of any job openings?

In recent news, I won a Christopher. I have to admit when I got the message that I had won at my friends Meredeth and David's wedding rehearsal dinner I wasn't too enthused. You see, I've been doing theater at the Strauss since 1997. I take that back, '95. But real heavy, as in every year, since '97 until Chicago in '03. Just about every year I've been nominated, and I've only won twice. That's 2 out of 8. And the two that I've won were with a larger group of actors, first was with 6 other actors for the Brothers in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers which I attribute the win to the large presence of Medfords, and the second won just the other night as one of the Tap Dancing Gangsters, which I attribute the win to Caleb and Paul - the real talent.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad I won. And the more I thought about it at the dinner table the more accepting to the idea I was. Although I still think the idea of a "Best Character Actor" category is a lode of crap. That's just me.

But the reason I didn't get quite enthused about the whole thing is that over the years I have been nominated for fantastic roles: Peter in Jesus Christ, Superstar; Pat Gilbert in State Fair; John Truett in Meet Me In St.Louis; Chief Sitting Bull in Annie Get Your Gun; C.K. Dexter Haven in High Society; and lets not forget the Beast. All great roles that I put my life and heart and soul into and got no recognition. But I win as a Daniel Pontipee and Babyface?

It makes one question the merits of ones acting ability.

But I've come to the mindset of "whatever". I'm not doing it for the recognition obviously. Mostly because no one in Monroe has ever stopped me and said "Hey! You're that guy!" Well once, in GameStop, but that was just after High Society and Ruth had stepped in and said hi and the admirer put two and two together.

I do it for me. I do it to satisfy a craving I have every now and then to be creative. Sure I'm picky with what shows I do, and yeah I have no intention of doing another show for a long time, but I do it not for the glory, but for the people. Admittedly I was upset I didn't get Joe in Sugar. And I admit it took me a while to get over it. But it was the big slice of Humble Pie that I needed. Looking back I couldn't have done the job that Mikey did. My take would have been completely different and more likely not as good. So I started enjoying where I was, the role I was given and I had a lot of fun with it and if I were to go back and do it again, I wouldn't change a thing. The show worked as good as it did because of the people in the roles.

And I was happy that I didn't have to squeeze into a dress.

So I as gaze into the bronzed visage of Chris Ringham mid laugh, I content myself on a job well done. And I'm happy in the fact that I don't have 6 more of these (the awards we got as Best Supporting Actor in a Musical in Seven Brides was a plaque), I'm not sure what I would do with them.

And I've also found peace in the fact that it's not the Award that gives recognition, it's not really the public at all, it's your fellow actors. It's your fellow actors who whisper your name at an audition as they get excited about doing a show with you. It's your fellow actors who come up to you then or during rehearsals that tell you they've been a big fan of yours and then they become some of your closest friends. That's all the recognition I need, and that's what makes me love the theater - the people.

I miss my people.

So if Life's a race...what the Hell place am I in?

It's 5:20 in the morning...and I'm still awake.

The last few nights I haven't been able to sleep. I don't know if it's the meds of if it's just all the crap that's running through my head lately. But it's something and something that's gotta stop. I like sleep. I do. I miss sleep. I feel like that guy in the commercial where the astronaut, beaver and Abe Lincoln are tell him they miss him.

Boy wouldn't that be an interesting dream? Wish I could have it.

Anyway. Well lets see...I haven't posted since Easter but since I pretty much saw everyone who's important to me on a daily basis I really don't see a reason to play catch up. Life is life, for good or ill and we just have to go with it and trust in God and have Faith that it all adds up one day.

I guess that's something that's been keeping me awake lately. It's like my mind wont shut off, and I think off all the things that have brought me to where I am now. All the choices that have brought me here to this point in my life. And I'm still searching for meaning.

I'm the kind of guy that likes to know everything, I like to be clued in on what's going on. To the point of annoyance. So if you see me asking for gossip or hanging around when by all rights I should have walked away and gone home (aka loitering annoyingly), it's because I have this obsessive need to know what's going on around me and to the people I know and care about at all times.

And then I process. Or I try to. It's not like I'm going to go and run my mouth of about every little secret I hear. In fact it gets stored away and, more often than not, forgotten. I find that part of me very annoying, and yet I can't get rid of it. I find it annoying that I get annoyed when someone doesn't tell me something that someone else has shared in confidence. How wrong is that?

What the hell am I rambling about anyway? Was there a point? I don't know honestly.

Knowing things! That's what I was trying to get to. I like to know things. Like "where is my life heading?" It annoys me and obviously keeps me awake at night on occasion. Usually I just let it go, I take a breath and let the feeling that I'm missing something flow through me and relax. I haven't been able to do that lately. I feel like something's missing, some crucial part to life that everyone else seems to be clued in on except me. The part that comes with a job that you love, a nice place to live, money to pay the bills...all those material things that people say doesn't matter. Well in a way don't they? I do admit that I have one thing figured out, that of Love. I have a wonderful wife and a wonderful marriage and as the song goes "All You Need Is Love".

Never really been a Beatles fan...

So why is it that I get a feeling every now and then that something is terribly wrong? Have you ever had that? This feeling of unsettledness (is that really a word? No says Spellchecker)? That feeling that somethings profoundly wrong somewhere but you just don't know where or what? Or am I just going crazy?

I'm talking a little crazy.

Ok a lot of crazy.

It's just that the idea of the fact that I'm 30 years old now and I need to grow up and do grown up things and be responsible and not have a lackey job and be in a solid secure place in life and have kids and not be this happy-go-lucky guy who still thinks of life in terms of a 20 year old college student who's upset at Life because he doesn't get a Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter break and yes, Dear Sir, you do have to work year round to put food on your bloody table with a roof over your head so the food doesn't get wet and the wind doesn't take the napkin and blow it about the yard for the neighbors to stare at you like you just littered all of Louisiana with your napkin. And yes, Dear Sir, you have to work hard so you can pay the electricity bill so you can have cable and internet so you can entertain yourself because if you didn't have TV or Internet you'd go even more insane than you have already. And I stop and I think to myself, "wow...that's really sad that last line isn't it?" But it's true! Just one hour without power is like a fracking eternity. In five minutes we're wondering just how long the food in the fridge is going to last and if we should cook it, but what the hell are we going to cook it on if the electricity is out? Why the bloody hell did we not get the place with a gas stove? What? Afraid we'd blow ourselves up are we? Ok then, what furniture can we lose to make a fire then? Well the dining table's made of fine wood, but Mother gave that to us and she'd be heartbroken to know we chopped it up for firewood...but we must eat! I mean the power's out for God's sake it's not like the world just ended.

Why do I think of these things? Why is it stuff like this that keeps me up at night? Why am I anxious for December 21, 2012 to come just to see what happens? And why am I already disappointed when the logic side of my brain says that absolutely nothing will? If you miss the reference click here.

I guess it just boils down to wanting to know if I'm doing the Life thing right. Because there are times when I seriously doubt it that go along with the days when I feel like I'm on top of the world and nothing could ever go wrong.

The Staffing Specialist at Willstaff that got me my job, Rhonda, asked me what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be. And aside from the snarky remark of wanting to be an astronaut I couldn't think of a thing. So to answer my Title question, I'm certainly not in first place, but I'm certainly not in last either. I'm somewhere in the middle. And perhaps I'm not satisfied with that anymore. Race drivers, runners and cyclist all have strategies and team mates that help them get from the middle to the top, and as much as I like to think I'm a pretty smart guy, I can't seem to come up with one of my own. But as long as I'm not one of those fellows in last I'm satisfied for now. No need getting all depressed or anything, I really do have a good and blessed life and I know that. I just wish I could have something other than a middle life if you take my meaning. I want to feel accomplished.

Oh look...daylight.