Ladies and Gentlemen. An announcement.

I had this long, drawn out, intro. But I'll just get to the heart of the matter.

The end of August, Kim and I are packing up and moving to Montgomery Alabama.

It wasn't an easy choice to make, but the fact that there is nothing here in Monroe for us, we feel it's time to move on and make our way in the world. We feel that Montgomery, a city that is growing exponentially, holds more opportunities for us. Opportunities for growth, for education, for family.

Already Kim and I have jobs in Montgomery. We have a network of friends, new and old, that have pledged themselves to help us in any way they can, so we are not doing this blindly on the hope that we can find something.

We'll miss you all, but the great thing is we're only a short 5 hour drive away. It's not like you're never going to see us again. We'll visit, you guys can visit. We'll all visit.

We'll have a going away get together at some point. We want to see everyone before we leave. And any gals out there that have been wanting to make out with me...well now's your chance. :-)

Peace and love.

Tony and Kim

Dorkness Rising

I'm a gamer. There I said it. I don't know why I feel there's a bit of stigma to it, but I get excited when I talk games. I feel a bit of elation when I get my issue of Game Informer in the mail and sadness when that issue has the "your subscription is about to run out" cover. I get totally emotional when E3 comes around.

This year is the year for gaming. At least on consoles anyway. Rock Band 2 in September, Fable 2 in October. Gears of War 2, Lego Batman, Fallout 3, MegaMan 9, Last Remnant, Final Fantasy IV and DragonQuest IV all come out this year. And I'm sure I missed a few more. But all that gets me a giddy.

Yes, I'm a dork.

And you know what else?

I play Dungeons and Dragons and other various pen and paper rpg games.

Yup. Sure do. There. My dirty little secret is out. And I'm proud to say it. I finally feel like I can embrace my inner dork.

Feels good.

So there, I posted. I really didn't mean to go for so long with out an update, but it seems that lately anything neat or cool happening to me has also happened to Kim and there for she beats me to the post button. I don't mind really. I haven't had a lot to say really.

I might have something to say soon. I'm 99.9% sure I will. So I guess I'll leave you with that little tease.

The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul

So a lot has happened in the past few weeks, but at the same time not much is going on.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

So, to get it out of the way, I'm jobless. Have been for a while really, I just didn't want to talk about it because it seemed typical of my life. Things go well, things continue to go well, it all falls apart. Start over. It's a cycle I can't seem to break, but it's nothing that I try to dwell on. You can't sit there day in and day out and wonder what happened and why does life suck and blah blah, whine and bitch. You gotta get up, dust yourself off and do what you can.

For me that means navigating the bureaucratic red tape that is Unemployment. I really hate to admit that I filed for Unemployment, but the parents talked me into it and I do feel better knowing that there's a little something coming in. Not a lot, but there it is. So how did I loose my job? Simple. At the end of the fiscal year, Willstaff was at the same spot they were when it began, meaning that in the 12 months between the company made NO money. They didn't loose any, but they didn't make any. Corporations don't like it when that happens. So they had to trim back. I'm not the only one that got laid off but it doesn't make it any easier. I saw it coming though, ever since my Supervisor went off and left me holding the bag. Since then they haven't really known what to do with me. All the projects they gave me I excelled in, I gave them fantastic data, but the original purpose that I was hired, to assist my supervisor in her job, was gone, and though they tried what they could to keep me, it just wasn't feasible. So no hard feelings. No regrets.

So anyone know of any job openings?

In recent news, I won a Christopher. I have to admit when I got the message that I had won at my friends Meredeth and David's wedding rehearsal dinner I wasn't too enthused. You see, I've been doing theater at the Strauss since 1997. I take that back, '95. But real heavy, as in every year, since '97 until Chicago in '03. Just about every year I've been nominated, and I've only won twice. That's 2 out of 8. And the two that I've won were with a larger group of actors, first was with 6 other actors for the Brothers in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers which I attribute the win to the large presence of Medfords, and the second won just the other night as one of the Tap Dancing Gangsters, which I attribute the win to Caleb and Paul - the real talent.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad I won. And the more I thought about it at the dinner table the more accepting to the idea I was. Although I still think the idea of a "Best Character Actor" category is a lode of crap. That's just me.

But the reason I didn't get quite enthused about the whole thing is that over the years I have been nominated for fantastic roles: Peter in Jesus Christ, Superstar; Pat Gilbert in State Fair; John Truett in Meet Me In St.Louis; Chief Sitting Bull in Annie Get Your Gun; C.K. Dexter Haven in High Society; and lets not forget the Beast. All great roles that I put my life and heart and soul into and got no recognition. But I win as a Daniel Pontipee and Babyface?

It makes one question the merits of ones acting ability.

But I've come to the mindset of "whatever". I'm not doing it for the recognition obviously. Mostly because no one in Monroe has ever stopped me and said "Hey! You're that guy!" Well once, in GameStop, but that was just after High Society and Ruth had stepped in and said hi and the admirer put two and two together.

I do it for me. I do it to satisfy a craving I have every now and then to be creative. Sure I'm picky with what shows I do, and yeah I have no intention of doing another show for a long time, but I do it not for the glory, but for the people. Admittedly I was upset I didn't get Joe in Sugar. And I admit it took me a while to get over it. But it was the big slice of Humble Pie that I needed. Looking back I couldn't have done the job that Mikey did. My take would have been completely different and more likely not as good. So I started enjoying where I was, the role I was given and I had a lot of fun with it and if I were to go back and do it again, I wouldn't change a thing. The show worked as good as it did because of the people in the roles.

And I was happy that I didn't have to squeeze into a dress.

So I as gaze into the bronzed visage of Chris Ringham mid laugh, I content myself on a job well done. And I'm happy in the fact that I don't have 6 more of these (the awards we got as Best Supporting Actor in a Musical in Seven Brides was a plaque), I'm not sure what I would do with them.

And I've also found peace in the fact that it's not the Award that gives recognition, it's not really the public at all, it's your fellow actors. It's your fellow actors who whisper your name at an audition as they get excited about doing a show with you. It's your fellow actors who come up to you then or during rehearsals that tell you they've been a big fan of yours and then they become some of your closest friends. That's all the recognition I need, and that's what makes me love the theater - the people.

I miss my people.

So if Life's a race...what the Hell place am I in?

It's 5:20 in the morning...and I'm still awake.

The last few nights I haven't been able to sleep. I don't know if it's the meds of if it's just all the crap that's running through my head lately. But it's something and something that's gotta stop. I like sleep. I do. I miss sleep. I feel like that guy in the commercial where the astronaut, beaver and Abe Lincoln are tell him they miss him.

Boy wouldn't that be an interesting dream? Wish I could have it.

Anyway. Well lets see...I haven't posted since Easter but since I pretty much saw everyone who's important to me on a daily basis I really don't see a reason to play catch up. Life is life, for good or ill and we just have to go with it and trust in God and have Faith that it all adds up one day.

I guess that's something that's been keeping me awake lately. It's like my mind wont shut off, and I think off all the things that have brought me to where I am now. All the choices that have brought me here to this point in my life. And I'm still searching for meaning.

I'm the kind of guy that likes to know everything, I like to be clued in on what's going on. To the point of annoyance. So if you see me asking for gossip or hanging around when by all rights I should have walked away and gone home (aka loitering annoyingly), it's because I have this obsessive need to know what's going on around me and to the people I know and care about at all times.

And then I process. Or I try to. It's not like I'm going to go and run my mouth of about every little secret I hear. In fact it gets stored away and, more often than not, forgotten. I find that part of me very annoying, and yet I can't get rid of it. I find it annoying that I get annoyed when someone doesn't tell me something that someone else has shared in confidence. How wrong is that?

What the hell am I rambling about anyway? Was there a point? I don't know honestly.

Knowing things! That's what I was trying to get to. I like to know things. Like "where is my life heading?" It annoys me and obviously keeps me awake at night on occasion. Usually I just let it go, I take a breath and let the feeling that I'm missing something flow through me and relax. I haven't been able to do that lately. I feel like something's missing, some crucial part to life that everyone else seems to be clued in on except me. The part that comes with a job that you love, a nice place to live, money to pay the bills...all those material things that people say doesn't matter. Well in a way don't they? I do admit that I have one thing figured out, that of Love. I have a wonderful wife and a wonderful marriage and as the song goes "All You Need Is Love".

Never really been a Beatles fan...

So why is it that I get a feeling every now and then that something is terribly wrong? Have you ever had that? This feeling of unsettledness (is that really a word? No says Spellchecker)? That feeling that somethings profoundly wrong somewhere but you just don't know where or what? Or am I just going crazy?

I'm talking a little crazy.

Ok a lot of crazy.

It's just that the idea of the fact that I'm 30 years old now and I need to grow up and do grown up things and be responsible and not have a lackey job and be in a solid secure place in life and have kids and not be this happy-go-lucky guy who still thinks of life in terms of a 20 year old college student who's upset at Life because he doesn't get a Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter break and yes, Dear Sir, you do have to work year round to put food on your bloody table with a roof over your head so the food doesn't get wet and the wind doesn't take the napkin and blow it about the yard for the neighbors to stare at you like you just littered all of Louisiana with your napkin. And yes, Dear Sir, you have to work hard so you can pay the electricity bill so you can have cable and internet so you can entertain yourself because if you didn't have TV or Internet you'd go even more insane than you have already. And I stop and I think to myself, "wow...that's really sad that last line isn't it?" But it's true! Just one hour without power is like a fracking eternity. In five minutes we're wondering just how long the food in the fridge is going to last and if we should cook it, but what the hell are we going to cook it on if the electricity is out? Why the bloody hell did we not get the place with a gas stove? What? Afraid we'd blow ourselves up are we? Ok then, what furniture can we lose to make a fire then? Well the dining table's made of fine wood, but Mother gave that to us and she'd be heartbroken to know we chopped it up for firewood...but we must eat! I mean the power's out for God's sake it's not like the world just ended.

Why do I think of these things? Why is it stuff like this that keeps me up at night? Why am I anxious for December 21, 2012 to come just to see what happens? And why am I already disappointed when the logic side of my brain says that absolutely nothing will? If you miss the reference click here.

I guess it just boils down to wanting to know if I'm doing the Life thing right. Because there are times when I seriously doubt it that go along with the days when I feel like I'm on top of the world and nothing could ever go wrong.

The Staffing Specialist at Willstaff that got me my job, Rhonda, asked me what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be. And aside from the snarky remark of wanting to be an astronaut I couldn't think of a thing. So to answer my Title question, I'm certainly not in first place, but I'm certainly not in last either. I'm somewhere in the middle. And perhaps I'm not satisfied with that anymore. Race drivers, runners and cyclist all have strategies and team mates that help them get from the middle to the top, and as much as I like to think I'm a pretty smart guy, I can't seem to come up with one of my own. But as long as I'm not one of those fellows in last I'm satisfied for now. No need getting all depressed or anything, I really do have a good and blessed life and I know that. I just wish I could have something other than a middle life if you take my meaning. I want to feel accomplished.

Oh look...daylight.

Happy Easter

More to come...if you're good.

...and he ain't gonna jump no more!

It's amazing what a week will do to a soul. Either that or it's amazing how fast I can bounce back from being blue to being...green? Red? ummm...whatever color happy is. Yellow. I see happy being yellow. Don't ask.



Anyway I'm having a great time of life now. Kim and I are looking for places to live, and that shouldn't take long, it's just finding the time to go and do it. I know a couple of folks have suggested neighborhoods and areas around them, but a comprehensive list of what's available and at what prices in said neighborhoods could go a long way in helping us make a decision.



Rehearsals are going good. I'm reminded of the old days again. Except in one aspect, but I'll not get into that here. You all know my grievances. But two out of three ain't bad, and when those two outshine the third tenfold then that makes for a good time being had by all. I'm really enjoying myself and that's what's important. And I think everyone else is having a fun time too. Sure there are times when we might get on each other's nerves, but I've seen worse drama go on backstage.



This time of year also makes me really miss the 5o5th. It was this time of year when I enlisted in a World War II Parachute Infantry Company. Reenactors for those who might think I just lost my mind. I've been inactive for a couple of years now. It's expensive being a reenactor. My boots alone cost $100 and don't get me started on the uniform. But it was fun. Esp the Living Histories, events where we would show the public what was used and how. Talking to Vets from the war, watching the expression of our soldiers today as they try to imagine pushing back the enemy lines with what we used in 1944 and realizing that they don't have it quite as bad as they once thought. That feeling that you are part of something that's bigger than you, and taking the stories of the vets and having them entrust that to you to keep their memory living long after they are gone.



I miss that.



















Now that I have a job that pays well enough, I want to get into better shape. This show is helping me on that but I want to get to where I'm not winded by climbing a flight of stairs, I want to loose this belly of mine. When I get all that accomplished, I'll rejoin my Brothers in Arms.

In the mean time, I'm enjoying life. It's spring, which means my sinuses are about to go nuts. You only thought I was acting with Beast - the reality is that I was so sick that the Beast voice was really MY voice. :-)

Well I guess I don't have anything else coherent to blog about. Just thought I would at least try to keep this thing weekly.

My life really isn't that exciting though.

Road Signs

What is it about staring at a blank screen that intimidates a person. I haven't written a blog in a long long time. And I mean a real blog, not some two paragraph whine fest about how I don't have time and crap. So here I am...trying to write something. It's not that I don't have anything in my head that needs to be put to screen, it's just I find myself losing interest.

Man I don't know when the last time I updated Xanga was (January 20th), and you can forget about Myspace, though I do need to mention something about my Dollywood Rejection Letter. And cross post that on Facebook.

It's funny how life is. It's good to some, while to others it just seems to have it out for them. I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I have a good life, I know I do, but sometimes I think it could be better. They always say that you have to go and grab life by the cajones, but what happens when life kicks back at you and ends up giving you a black eye? You're not down by any account, but now you and life are facing each other, wondering who's going to make the next move. I feel that's where I am right now.

See, I got this job. It's a great job. I feel like I can go places with it. Then my supervisor disappears one day - says she has some issues she has to work out and moves off to Atlanta. I come back from sick leave and find her gone. Her stuff is still on her desk, and I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. She and I were our department. So I just keep on doing what I was hired to do. It's still a great job, not too demanding, but now I feel expendable because the original reason I was hired is gone and now it just seems like I'm doing work that supposed to be done by other people. Ok it's not a feeling - I literally AM doing work that other people are supposed to be doing.

I'm a firm believer that God gives us signs. Subtle and not so subtle hints that he's watching and caring and leading us on the path he would like us to follow.

I audition for Dollywood. You've all read the account so I'll not go back into it. I prepare myself for either outcome. Yes or no my life is sitting on a crossroads. As the weeks roll on, I accept the fact Kim and I are staying here. The rejection letter was still a blow. Even when I was opening the envelope, I knew it had been too long for me to get this for them to have decided to hire me, but I still had hope. At least it was done nicely. Impersonal. "Nothing against you, we just can't use you." I wonder if Tokyo Girl (my audition buddy) made it. I wonder how I didn't. What could I have done better? Was I not country enough? Did those guys who were dressed in jeans, boots, a cowboy shirt and Stetson hat make it, even if they really couldn't sing? Or was my voice just not what they were looking for?

So what now? Every 7th and 23rd of the month I get a paycheck that lets me know I need to stick with this job - but I can't shake this feeling that they're paying me to do redundant work and they're gonna realize the amount they're paying me is not worth the small payoff I'm giving back - no matter the quality I'm so very hard trying to keep up now that I'm all by myself. Kim and I are living with my parents - something that we can fix now if we only had the time. Hell, there's a lot of life that Kim and I need to work on that I'll not bore you with if only we had time.

To sound completely pessimistic I feel like I'm back in the limbo I was in just a few short months ago. Maybe I convinced myself that Dollywood was exactly the fresh start we needed and that the Divine Guidance was giving me all the signs that pointed to that new life.

Perhaps there's a hidden lesson of humility or trust that I need to learn by not being one of the "chosen".

I'm a firm believer in signs. So what are they telling me now?

Look, a post!

I like this layout - it reminds me of Firefly.


So...I've thought about it. I've had a bad day. I'm thinking I don't have time to do Sugar. I've got life I need to get worked out. I kinda knew that if I were cast as Joe or even Spats life would be pretty hectic, but I would have worked it out. But now that I'm neither I think I can better concentrate on life things without the distraction of a show.

And no, it doesn't have anything to do with any of you fine folks, you'd all be the only reason for me to stay. I've traditionally had a hard time doing a spring show, and this time is no different so...yeah.

There it is. I'm not 100%, but I'm 98.93%.

Good lord. As if I didn't have enough of these damn things to begin with.